Writing it out

I started writing this post yesterday.  And this was as far as I got:

Book Dos is aching inside of me.  Small bits are forming on the page, but every day something stops me.  It feels like I’m missing a piece of the main character; like I’m running into a wall I can’t bust through.  I keep coming back to this one scene in my head – the one I’m terrified to write.  And maybe that is my problem.  Maybe the thing that is scaring me most is the thing I have to write RIGHT NOW.

I’ve solved a lot of problems with writing.  Working it out on the page always seems to help. And little epiphanies like this occur all the time – realizations I would have never gotten to had I not written it out.

And yet.  I’m still surprised when it happens.

Cover of "Before Sunset"

Cover of Before Sunset

There’s this movie I love called Before Sunset.  You might have seen Before SunriseBefore Sunset was the sequel, written and produced almost ten years after the original.  In this movie, one of the main characters, Celine, talks about her cat:

“You know what I love about this cat?  It’s that … every morning, I bring him down to the courtyard, and every single morning he looks at everything like it was the first time.  Every corner, every tree, every plant.  He smells everything with is little cute nose.”

I feel like this cat.  (Minus the cute nose.)

Every time something occurs to me through writing, every time a sentence works out the way it should, or I solve a problem with the dialogue or story line, or a character suddenly reveals themselves to me, a sweet rush of awe fills my veins.

It’s amazing.

Every. Time.

So. Now I have my answer.

I have to write the scene I fear the most.  The scene that takes the main character on this journey.  The scene that starts it all.

The rape scene.

Just typing it hurts.

I don’t know yet if this scene will be a part of the manuscript.  But it is an essential part of the protagonist’s back story.  And it has to be done.  I have to go through it with the main character.  I have to be there with her, and experience it.

And then, together, maybe we can move on.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

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7 Comments

  1. Great post! I love the comparison between your feelings about writing and the way the cat sees the world…and who said your nose isn’t cute?!

    Reply
  2. Kim

     /  December 9, 2012

    Comparing noses between me and the cat – cat wins every time. Hands down.

    Reply
  3. Kim, hugs! We feel our characters pain so deep, and we have to if we’re to make our readers feel it too. But it hurts.

    Reply
  4. cristina

     /  April 26, 2013

    frik…i feel that revealing your truths through characters can require more courage than even going through anything like that…because this is an option…and your opting to put yourself out there like that for anyone to see…all raw and stuff…just like here it is…take it or take it…and you have no idea how impactful that can be on your audience…well you probably do, having been an audience of something that has had a profound effect on you…you have so much power kimpossible…AND your nose is just as cute as a cat’s…especially when you scrunch it up from a laugh…for realz, yo :)-

    Reply
  1. The Rape Scene « I am a writer … dangit.

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